by Tommy Gimler
The Houston Texans’ 2013 season can pretty much be summed up with one word: fuck.
Despite boasting the number one passing defense in the NFL, the Texans have really taken some ass poundings the past several weeks. But that’s going to happen when your quarterback continues to complete more touchdown passes to the opposing defenses than his own team.
In Sunday’s 38-13 loss to the pig shit St. Louis Rams, the Texans took the words “hot mess” to a whole new level. Down 17-6 at halftime, Houston fans were already about as happy as a German Shepherd with syphilis. And they must of lost their fucking minds (well, at least the the ones who were still in the stadium) by the time T.J. Yates was intercepted late in the third quarter by Alec Ogletree, who proceeded to return it 98 yards for a Rams touchdown. That marked the fifth consecutive game in which a Texans quarterback threw a touchdown pass to the opposing team, the first time that has happened in NFL history.
After the game, Yates told reporters that he needs to be “smarter with the ball.”
No shit.
It has now been 34 days, in their September 9th 31-28 victory over San Diego, since the Houston Texans last made it through a game without their quarterback gift-wrapping six points to the opposing team. That’s a long period of time. Here’s a list of things that were going on back then:
*Eddie Kessler was still alive on Boardwalk Empire. Oh, spoiler alert by the way…
*Matt Schaub had three touchdowns and one interception to his name. He has since thrown eight picks to just four touchdowns…
*Blurred Lines, sung by the real-life son of the dad from Growing Pains, was still the number one song in America…
*The United States government was still open for business…
*The number one movie in the country was Riddick, and that’s just terrible, America. Shame on you…
*Tom Clancy, a great writer but a terrible interview, was still alive…
*Adrian Peterson was still paying child support…
*The world didn’t know that Jerry Jones uses the same phone as my mom:
